Anosognosia by Jelina Georgieva
Love: do you know what real love is?
Kindness: when was the last time you showed some?
Passion: have you ever truly felt it?
Dignity: do you have any left?
Hope: I have none left…
Once, humans used to know. Once, humans used to feel. They knew mercy, they knew appreciation, they knew sympathy and courage and honesty. All that is gone now.
Gone are the days when people would show kindness without expectations of a reward in return. In the past is the time when they knew what dignity is and cherished it; when they still possessed passion in them and acted out of love. That was before they adopted this robot-like life, deprived of love and compassion.
Humans know nothing of mercy, respect and honesty. They show no sympathy for the person next to them, even if that person shares the blood running through their veins.
I wonder what happened to all of it. What happened to humanity? Is it still inside us, deeply repressed, still fighting to break free? Buried in the souls of those who see emotion as a weakness and constantly push it deeper? Is it being slowly-slowly forgotten, drifting away in a history of war, bloodshed, slavery and death, until it is swallowed in the so-called black hole, where not even the brightest light can escape?
I see no hope for humanity.
The “free will” of humans is going to destroy this world. This power has been given to me for a reason. So maybe, just maybe, that reason is to fix humanity.
My name is Aurora. I have a vision of a new world. One that knows no war and no death. One that knows only peace. No one will remember this world of pain. Not even me.
It’s going to be a really hard spell to do, but my power is great and I’m confident that I can do it. After I do this, the entire world would live in my new dream world.
For whoever is reading this—humanity will be restored.
“Did I do it? Did it work?” I look at my other self. This place is so confusing. Everything is so confusing. I have awakened in a strange new world, chaotic and loud. Nothing like my world. My world was peaceful and orderly.
“Yes, Aurora. You succeeded in the spell. You succeeded.” Amelia’s face looks worried as she reassures me. It is an expression I’m not used to seeing on peoples’ faces.
“So how is it possible that this old world…how is it possible that you exist?” I ask.
“You tried to put a spell on the entire world. That is downright impossible to-”
“But you said I did it!” I protest.
“You did do it. On yourself. You split us in half. I exist in the world we were born in. The real world. And you exist in the dream world you created. In other words, when I go to sleep, you awake.”
I try to wrap my mind around her words, try to comprehend what she was saying, what was happening. Realisation hits me like a bucket of cold water and I ask:
“What has changed? Why are we both awake now?”
“I don’t think the spell you did can last forever. Both worlds can’t exist. We can’t both exist.” She looks at me with a strange expression, one I am not familiar with. It looks sad, but not sad for her. Sad for me. Pity.
I look up at Amelia’s extended hand. Extending my own, I realise how light and weak it is. Like it might disappear. The thought unsettles me and I push it away.
Why have I awakened here again? My whole body aches and feels as if it is about to fall apart into a thousand pieces. Like a broken shell, falling apart. Starting from my mind. My mind has been falling apart for a while now. I start to shake, but I’m not cold.
“Aurora?” Amelia reaches for my hand and grasps it somewhat roughly and eagerly, as if she is in a hurry. There is a look in her eyes, and although they are identical to my own, I find them to be completely unrecognisable and alien.
Amelia puts her free hand on my cheek and I suddenly stop shaking. Then the pain comes.
“So this is what pain feels like,” I whisper to myself.
I don’t try to pull myself from her grip. My body is so weak and I don’t think I could do it even if I tried. I am not scared. I should be, but I’m not.
“What hurts Aurora?” My other self asks. She looks so different this time. The same as me, yet different.
“Everything hurts.” I look down at my bare feet. Shouldn’t I be cold? I should be cold, but I’m not.
“You need to go now Aurora. You have to leave.” She urges me. The pain gets worse.
“Go where?” I ask. “Where are we? I don’t think I can fall asleep now. The pain is too strong, it won’t let me fall asleep.”
“I don’t mean go back. I mean leave. Forever.”
“But I’m as real as you?” I don’t mean it as a question, but it still comes out as one.
Finally, I pull away. Amelia lets my hand go and the shaking comes back.
I look around us for the first time and find that we are in a garden. All the flowers and trees seem to be withering, dying, making me feel as if I am standing in a cemetery, rather than a garden. There is a large house on my left that I have never seen before. It looks deserted and uncared for, as if it hasn’t been inhabited by anyone in a long time. Is this my time or Amelia’s? The place seems to be stuck in time. Timeless.
A woman in white robes emerges from the house and walks toward us. Her pace is slow and hesitant. It reminds me of an animal slowly closing in on its prey, right before it pounces for the kill.
My shaking gets worse and I urge my body to move. Backwards, forward, move! My body won’t listen. If I could just move, turn back to Amelia…
Has my other half left me alone?
“Amelia?” the word comes out barely audible, drowned in a swallowed sob.
“It won’t be long now.” Amelia’s voice comes from behind me, but at the same time it sounds as if it is miles away.
The lady in the white robes is just a few feet away from where I stand frozen. Her gaze freezes me on the spot and will not let me go.
“Am I asleep now or am I awake?” I ask Amelia, just before the woman reaches me. I shut my eyes to clear my vision from the tears.
“You are neither. You are nowhere. You are no one.” A voice I don’t recognise whispers in my ear.
I give my body one final push, one last fight and at last, I feel it respond. I am falling. I’m falling into an unknown place. This time there is no light at the end, just a black abyss.
I wake up shivering wildly. I am sprawled on the grass in the garden by my favourite rose bush. My vision is blurry, but I notice something. The place looks different now. The white roses I love are dead. Withered.
I hear soft steps and look up. It is one of the nurses, the chubby one with the circles under her eyes who always seems so haunted. I like this one. She is nice to me.
“Amelia? What in the name of God are you doing here, lying in the freezing cold? Have you been sleep-walking again?” The nurse doesn’t wait for a response and pulls me to my feet. “Let’s get you back in bed. I will give you your medication and a hot cup of tea and after that you’re off to sleep! You hear?” she chastises as she leads me towards the building.
I stare at the house, the blur leaving my vision.
Mental Hospital, the metal sign above the door reads.
“Am I awake now?